Even if we had a turbulent childhood, we can find peace
Personality is the product of internal (inborn) factors, external (life) factors, and free will (the individual’s response to both).
For instance, a person born with a hot temper and raised by hot-tempered parents may decide to do whatever is necessary to curb that temper and become a calmer human being. Or a person born with a timid nature but raised in a family of outgoing activists may develop an inferiority complex, while her equally timid-by-nature cousin, born into a family of quiet intellectuals, becomes an accomplished academic. Genes, family, and choices all have an impact on who we ultimately become.
Parents can intentionally create an environment that allows for the optimal unfolding of a child’s personality. A safe and loving home brings out the best in a child regardless of inborn nature. Therefore, even a child with an inherently challenging personality (think ADHD, ODD, anxious, explosive) will do better when raised by emotionally regulated and caring adults.
On the other hand, that same child, when raised in a high-conflict home, is more likely to have a compromised developmental outcome. Even a child blessed with an even-keeled temperament can be traumatized into a state of permanent dysregulation.
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