Healthy living means acknowledging our feelings but letting our values lead us
The “parts theory of personality” posits that there is no one unified “I” within us. It sees us as a collection of different parts. Individual theories offer different ideas of who these parts are, how many there are, and what their functions are, but almost all “parts theories” believe we have one or more inner child parts and one or more adult parts.
A couple of decades ago, it was common for the child parts to be idolized and prioritized. Statements like the following were a common outcome of therapy: “Therapy helped me realize I’ve never done anything for ME. My whole life has been of service to others. It’s my time now. I’ve told my husband he can raise the kids — I’m leaving. I need to find out who I am. I’m no good to anyone until I do that.”
This therapy client came away with the idea that her inner child had been unfairly suppressed by an oppressive home and/or culture. She set out to right the wrong by claiming her right to self-fulfillment and abandoning what she perceived to be her burdens and responsibilities. It was her “Me Time” now.
Because of therapeutic outcomes like this one, therapy was frowned upon by our rabbis not so long ago.
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