We tend to see others as those with a problem, but sometimes we have a problem, too
“My mother is extremely reactive. If you say something that she perceives to be an insult, she flies off the handle. And she perceives almost anything as an insult.
“For example, I told her that I’ll bring my own food when we come to visit next time because I can’t eat what she cooks. She went nuts! I told her that her response was totally uncalled for. I can’t stand all the drama.”
We’re a strange species. We can see everyone except ourselves. We can see if someone “has a problem” but it’s much harder to identify our own weaknesses. This blindness can perpetuate dysfunction in our relationships. The woman in the scenario above can’t see how her remark about not being able to eat her mother’s food might have been insensitive.
Sure, she may require a special diet for health or other reasons. However, there are ways to say things so as not to be offensive. For example, “I’m on a special diet, and I don’t want to cause you any trouble, Mom. Would it be okay if I brought my own food? That way, you don’t have to worry about my special dishes.”
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