Since the summer season began, my full-of-energy, fun-loving four-year-old has become a shadow of himself. At first he was nervous about the change from school to camp (which I thought to be within normal range). But then he developed a fear of going swimming. He hates to get splashed by the other kids, and he claims to have slipped in the pool on the first day. He’s so anxious about it to the point that he can’t eat breakfast in the morning, has stomach aches, and cries about it all the time.

Of course I reached out to the teacher, who allows him to skip the daily swimming activity. But the kid hasn’t calmed down at all. My question here is twofold: As a parent, is there anything more I can do for my suffering child other than validate his feelings and try to calm him down? And second, I know that the swimming issue is just the trigger this time. Something else is bound to come up next time. That’s life, right? Is there anything to prevent his anxiety in the first place?

A:

Let’s start with your last thought first: You’re totally correct in thinking that the swimming issue is just today’s trigger and that there will likely be many, many more triggers as life unfolds. Hashem presents us with endless novel challenges.

You’re also right because those who get anxious about one thing will normally get anxious about many things. Your son’s anxiety is affecting his mood and his body. You’re parenting him well around this, accepting and validating his emotions, but this hasn’t “cured” him of his anxious feelings.