Both of these questions are rooted in the same conundrum: “entitlement”
I have three teenaged boys, and because of their yeshivah schedule, they’re not really in a position to be at home to help with household tasks. During an off Shabbos or bein hazmanim, though, they’re around the house, and I’m disappointed and concerned with their attitudes. I always try to model respectful speech and a calm demeanor, but when I ask for help with simple tasks (cleaning up the dishes and wrappers from the food they brought to their rooms, pitching in with their laundry, taking out an overflowing garbage bag upon which they’ve precariously stacked ten items, etc.), it’s just not getting done. I don’t want to nag, and I don’t want our relationship to be reduced to instructions, but I’m worried that they’re about to turn into young adults without adult life skills.
We were never wealthy, but my husband’s field was badly affected by the economy, and things are tighter than ever right now. We’re struggling to pay bills on time, I’ve had to reduce therapy for two of my children who need it badly, and we’re basically surviving by paying our credit card minimums. My teenage daughter is taking it hard. She wants all the things her friends have, and when we explain the situation in an age-appropriate way, she’s resentful. When I was her age, I did any number of things to earn a little extra money to pay for the things I wanted, but she has absolutely no interest — none of her friends do. I feel bad for her. I know that with this generation, a lot of the “wants” might really be “needs” if everyone around them has them, but even if I had the extra money, I would be paying off credit cards and saving for her wedding, not buying her the boots she wants. How do I explain this to her in a way she’ll accept?
Both your questions touch on one of the biggest challenges our generation faces. While you are describing different aspects of the challenge, both of these questions are rooted in the same conundrum: “entitlement.”
We as parents are not to blame for a social epidemic. That does not mean we cannot do anything about it. Entitlement is the undoing of a society, as a society can only exist through voluntary cooperation. “Olam chesed yibaneh” (Tehillim 89) is not just a description of Hashem’s intent in the creation of the world. It describes the glue that holds the world together. Without each person’s contribution to the pool of kindness, volunteering and taking responsibility, the world’s population becomes a collection of corrupt, egocentric, immature, irresponsible individuals each vying for their own self-gratification.
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