Q

I was wondering if you could give me advice on a family dilemma. We’re a very large family, with over 15 siblings bli ayin hara. We’re all married now, and the life stages we’re at range from having newborns to welcoming grandchildren. Baruch Hashem there are a lot of simchahs. Since the first niece and nephew got married, we all contributed to making sheva brachos for the young couple, and also chipped in to buy a gift.

Nonetheless, whenever we collect money, we declare contributions to be optional in case someone’s not in a position to contribute. However, as time goes on, my siblings are getting lax about contributing. We’ll send out a reminder once or twice, but that’s all. As a policy, no one will lay out money in advance, as we’ve seen it doesn’t always get reimbursed.

My question is as follows: when writing the card, should it be signed by the whole family regardless of who gave, so that nobody is left out and feels bad? Or does that make what we buy look stingy, as what we’ve bought reflects the contribution of maybe ten siblings, not 15 plus, so there’s obviously less money to spend.

Looking forward to hearing your advice. In my opinion, only those giving should sign the card. I understand that those who didn’t pay might feel uncomfortable. If they forgot to pay, presumably they will remember in the future after feeling that discomfort. If they didn’t want to pay, then the awkwardness is their problem and no one else’s. If they can’t pay, there’s nothing to be ashamed of (and if they do feel ashamed, they have to work that out within themselves and with Hashem!).